Over the past few years I’ve taken a few wrong turns, some I’ve learnt from, some I’ve grown from and some I try my best to block out.
Things in my life haven’t gone the way I’ve expected them too. Friendships have ended, relationships have died, job opportunity’s have come and gone. But everything I’ve done to get to where I am today I would do it all over again in a heartbeat knowing that my outcome would be this.
When I was younger I tired rushing into life too early, when I was 19 I thought I had to move out and start living my life.. well I did and it failed, I ended up moving back home because I rushed everything, I rushed into a job I hated, I rushed into a unhealthy relationship and starting acting like his house wife.. I thought the friends I had around me were supporting me but they where only dragging me down with them. I learnt the hard way that my actions because of all this began effecting my family. I began to grow distant from my parents, my real friends, and even my grandparents. I became someone who I hated. I began living a double life and was very bad at it.
Once I left all the toxic people behind me, which took me months.. it took me many attempts to leave my ex, he had this pull over me that I can now see was a controlling one. He knew when I was done so he would act all romantic and I would fall for it every time, he knew when to push my buttons to get what he wanted. It wasn’t until I met Hayden I became aware that although he wasn’t physically abusing me he was mentally. Once leaving him it was easy to leave the friendships I made around him too, I was finally free.
I was no longer the same person that I was before all of that but I knew she was never coming back. Instead I was the girl who finally stood up for herself, finally could tell someone how I really felt about them. My friends now say I’m sometimes a little to honest but they like that about me because they know I’ll always tell them the truth. I stopped caring what people thought of me or wondering what I looked like to the outside world. If I want to wear my pjs out in public I’ll wear them with pride, if I think I look good in whatever outfit I have chosen to wear that day I’ll rock it with pride, if someone tries to make fun of me or be little me. I just do it first that way when they do, it means nothing because I had the final say.
It took me 23 years to finally realise that you define your own happiness. You are in control of your life choices and were you see your life headed. You only get to live once on earth so make it the best you possibly can.