Christmas 2017 was emotional

I love Christmas it’s my favourite time of the year. I love Christmas movies, Christmas songs, going Christmas light looking everything about Christmas I love!

This year things were very different. I didn’t go Christmas light watching, Hayden and I decided not to put up tree because we really don’t know if our son will be early like all the midwifes say or late. And we skipped his family this year. Oh and I had a lovely hospital trip Christmas Eve!

So the day before Christmas I had no sleep, literally was up for 24hrs straight ( not by choice.) trust me I tried to sleep but I was wide awake! Then that day I just felt off, my breathing became heavy, I could feel my heart rate going up and I just couldn’t seem to calm down. I tried having a bath to relax and all. Hayden eventually dragged me to hospital to get checked just to be on the safe side because I’m 37 weeks. Turns out it was stress related! Didn’t even know I was stressed and also I was dilated. I was sent home to rest. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke I was fine.

Christmas Day! I woke up happy and excited for my day with family. But my pregnancy hormones had other ideas. I felt crowded all day, I had to sit at the end of the table to have some space, I felt stressed again with everyone around. My hormones decided to play with me today as well, it was apparently my day to feel fat and cry about not looking nice on Christmas Day, I didn’t want family photos, I didn’t want to get in the pool because I felt too exposed. But Hayden being Hayden knew all the right things to say, he cuddled me when I need that reassurance and said I looked beautiful always.

After my time in the pool I was in so much pain, I began cramping and had trouble walking and also just felt so tired. Hayden and I had to leave early because I was just physically and emotionally drained.

Once we got home I had a shower and got in my comfy pjs and just got into bed and relaxed. I’ve gotten to the stage in my pregnancy I just don’t want to be social and get lots of anxiety just leaving the house. But at the same time I’m so bored at home. I think In the long run I’m just ready to feel like me again. I’ve put on 8kgs in this pregnancy and I’m feeling it. I’m also just not the type of woman who does pregnancy well.

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