I’m about to turn 39 weeks and I honestly am starting to get scared. My whole pregnancy child birth hasn’t scared me, but for some reason it’s hit me like a ton of bricks this week. As I nervously wait for the arrival of my son I can’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong?
I find myself scared of giving birth, scared that something might be wrong with him, that labour will go wrong, that he won’t make it or that I won’t. I don’t know why I have all these negative things play in the back of my mind but their there.
This week I had a normal GP check up with my local doctor as I was starting to feel sick and didn’t want to be sick for the birth of my son. Well at this check up she checked baby’s heartbeat and it was perfect and then she asked if I would like a cervix check to see what’s going on which I said yes. She smiled as she said she could fill the brim of his head, I still can’t get over how weird and wonderful our bodies are, all I could feel was discomfort as her fingers were all up in my grill! But that’s great she could feel him. I left the doctor appointment feeling happy to know my son is reaching all the milestones that he needs to be for his arrival and everything with him and I are both healthy and well.
It helps knowing that he is healthy because every time I have a negative thought about birth I just have to keep telling myself he is fine, you are fine and we are both fine.
I have 1 week and 3 days until my official due date and I’m hoping he comes early or right on time. Because being induced is not fun for anyone and will reck my plans of a Natural birth. So I’m officially giving Lorenzo the talk about when to come and hopefully he listens!
My symptoms this week have been:
- Headaches on and off
- Heartburn all day everyday
- Diarrhoea ( TMI i know but that’s pregnancy.)
- My face, fingers & toes are puffy as all hell!
- Wide awake at night/ sleep all day ( even if I don’t sleep during the day I’m still the walking dead at night.)
- Lightning crotch is real my friends!
- Nesting is my bestie right now but not Hayden’s!
- Mood swings – I want to get out of the house but at the same time I don’t, I want to see people but at the same time I don’t, I know I sound like a moody nagging person to Hayden but at the same time I can’t stop.
I honestly don’t know if I will be able to go on much longer being pregnant, and if I go over my due date god help me! It honestly amazes me how much my body has been able to handle with this pregnancy because mentally I checked out weeks ago! It’s the hardest thing you as a women will ever have to go through but at the same time the most rewarding one. I know I’ll miss being pregnant and feeling my son move & kick as much as it hurts and breaks me everyday I really will miss this, so I am trying to enjoy the last few days. I’ve recorded his movements and taken lots of bump pictures these last few days as a keep sake for myself.
He definitely is dropping! I wanted to compare my 37 week bump picture in the same outfit for my 38 week bump picture to see the difference and boy I wasn’t disappointed! My bump looks smaller because he has dropped a lot this week, but he still definitely loves to stick his bum out any chance he gets.
Bring on week 39! Hopefully I won’t be doing a week 39 update and instead his labour and birth story. But that might be wishful thinking on my part!