My breastfeeding struggle

When I was pregnant I couldn’t wait to breastfeed, I couldn’t wait to have that bonding moment with my son.

When Lorenzo was first born he latched on so well, he wasn’t sucking anything but the midwife said it was good to do this straight away so they latch on easier. She was right! I never once had any issues with Lorenzo latching on I just didn’t have anything for him.

A few hours after he was born we learnt that he had very low sugar levels and wasn’t feeding. Because of this I had to give him formula so that he could at least eat and not be hungry. We continued to try all these exercises and I would do time on my boob with him before feeding the formula but by day four their still just wasn’t anything for him.

This made me feel very disappointed in myself, not being able to provide my son with milk myself broke my heart.

Once I was home on day five my milk finally came through and I was so happy because my moment to bond with Lorenzo had finally arrived.

I put Lorenzo on the boobs and he latched on and was drinking. But after a minute on the boobs he screamed the house down. He was spit and throw up all my breastmilk again and he just hated it. He was so used to formula that the taste of breastmilk just wasn’t for him. That night I tried and tried.

The next morning came around and he woke up with the worst upset stomach and was throwing up all day on and off and it broke me! I felt like a horrible mother for forcing my child the breastmilk all night just because I feel judged for not breastfeeding him.

I actually had my first midwife appointment at home that day too, she said it sometimes just takes babies a while to adjust and that I should keep trying.

After she left I had a massive melt down. You feel so much pressure from other women to breastfeed and to try to be the “perfect” parent. And in return this broke me!

Here I was forcing my child to drink something he didn’t like and was getting sick because of. I decided that my son and his health was way more important to me.

Lorenzo is now full time formula fed and he is doing amazing!! He is officially in the all clear and one healthy and happy baby and to me that’s all that matters.

I’m so glad that we’ll in hospital and trying to breastfeed I got to document when I was trying to breastfeed because I will always look back at these photos and remember how strong I was for putting my sons needs and health benefits before mine.

So yes I’m proud to say my baby is formula fed and no their is no right or wrong way to feed your dam baby! You do what works for You & your baby.

4 thoughts on “My breastfeeding struggle

  1. I was told by a few of my friends who couldn’t breastfeed not to be upset if you can’t as they wasted weeks being upset and depressed over it. Thank fully from their kind words I was able to go in with an open mind. I’m sure you are a great mother and there is nothing wrong with being bottle fed!

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