This new season of my life has also come with some pretty heavy mum hormones and some days I find myself being judgmental to myself.
The doctor & midwife say that these are just the “baby blues.” And they will pass so I’m hoping they will soon. Because I just find myself being negative towards myself and constantly asking Hayden if I’m doing a good job.
At the end of my pregnancy I had this picture in my head that I would go straight back into gym & healthy eating. Now that I’m one week and five days postpartum I’m beating myself up because my stomach has turned to flab and I have stitches so I can’t do any form of weights until I get the all clear from the doctor. This has made me frustrated at times because I just want to get back into shape and feel like me again. I hate looking at my stomach at the moment and I cover myself up any chance I get. I know I should feel proud of my body and what it all just went through but some days I just want run until I’m skinny again. I’m thankful for Hayden on my bad days because he still tells me how beautiful I am and still shows me that he loves me and sometimes that’s all I need to make myself realise that I am still beautiful and that my body is too.
Being a first time mum I also had found that I’ve been hard on myself when it comes to my parenting style. Some days I wonder if I’m doing a good job, or if Lorenzo is happy. I beat myself up and sometimes find myself crying because I feel like I’m doing a horrible job. The other day Lorenzo was blocked up and you could tell his little tummy was in pain and we would just cry and cry, this broke me and I felt so bad that he was already sick and in return this made me feel like a horrible mother. But after seeing the doctor and learning that this is common for babies that are formula fed and that I was already doing a good job by giving him water in between feeds made me breath a little easier. The next day he was passing his bowel movements normally again and my mood was 100% better.
I’m also trying not to be so hard on my relationship with Hayden. I’m finding it so hard to have a happy medium between parenting and romance, it’s definitely a big adjustment. I feel so guilty for not having time right now to just cuddle Hayden or some days to just tell him how much I love him and that I am so thankful for everything he is doing for our family. I can’t remember the last date night we had or just alone time.
What are some tips for how I’m feeling or has anyone else gone through what I am right now? If so when does it get easier?