Since giving birth to our son Hayden and I have had a lot of hard questions to ask each other and to talk about. Hayden and I have gotten very good at communicating with each other these days, before Lorenzo we were pretty shit at that and it sometimes caused us to fight.
The hard questions we have both had to face are big ones that effect our future.
I’ve already spoken about how I’m scared to go back to work. I feel rather silly because my son will be in very safe hands and I’ll be in the same building as him but yet I still find myself crying about this topic because I’m just not ready. This brought on the conversation if Hayden and I could possibly live off one income and I just extend my leave and take the whole year off but we workout our incomes and added up our bills and it’s just not fair to put that much pressure on us and to not be able to go out and enjoy ourselves would be hard. Then we brought up speaking about maybe seeing if I could go part time but I soon told Hayden that I’m going back to work full time or not at all. I feel part time for me would be harder and I’ve already enrolled Lorenzo in 4 days a week and I don’t want to risk him losing his spot. So full time is just what is what will work for us. I’m just emotional because that’s 8 hours everyday of no contact time with my son and then to only have the weekends with him will be bloody hard and that’s what makes me cry.
Our next massive chat has been about baby number 2. I’m definitely more open to having a second child but do I really want to deal with the risk of losing my baby again, do I really want to go through the pain and heartache and trying for a baby and how long that will take? But I know Hayden really wants a little girl to complete our family and I’m definitely willing to give him a little girl because I would love that too but not in the time frame he wants. I would love to try again maybe much later down the track. Maybe when Lorenzo is in primary school so it will be much easier but Hayden wants only a year or two age gap. For right now we both just agreed to leave this conversation on the back burners until Lorenzo is one and then have a sit down and talk.
At the moment we have been chatting about buying a house and what areas we like or want and what we are looking at for what we want & price range. We definitely have to save up a lot more for what we want and the area we both want definitely! But we just don’t seem to be on the same page yet when it comes to this. I look at houses as a future and a building our family and Hayden looks at houses as a investment and in the long term the net worth of the house/ land. I want a house that is new and ready to move in, he wants something that needs a little bit of work joys of marrying a builder.. so again for right now we too have just put that topic on the back burner which brings us to the topic of our relationship at the moment.
Truthfully I would be lying if I said things are perfect because their not. I don’t know if it’s the stress of our new life as parents or whatever it is. But Hayden and I just seem to be disagreeing a lot with each other. We definitely are not fighting and the romantic side of our marriage is definitely still their but I just wish we could stop getting frustrated at each other or maybe agree on just one thing together at the moment. Being young & new parents is definitely hard but we are trying. I’ve had to remind myself to put Hayden first sometimes because since Lorenzo has been born I just have made it be all about Lorenzo and his needs and I forgot a little about Hayden and just remembering to cuddle him on the couch or just say the word thank you or just even a simple kiss.. yes I know I sound horrible.