It’s my body

I’m bringing up a heated conversation for myself that a friend brought up after feeling hurt about someone bringing up her weight!?

You all know me as not just a regular mum here on my blog and I’ve kept this life and my everyday life apart from each other for privacy reasons. But here goes nothing!

My name is Kate and I’m at 25 year old mother to a beautiful little boy named Lorenzo and expecting our second, I’m happy with my prince and have been his wife and very happy with the life we have created together this life i never thought I would get and here’s why.

I was born in 1994 January the 15th. I was born perfectly fine I have 10 fingers and 10 toes and had blue eyes with strawberry blonde hair. When I was a few months old my mother who was a midwife knew something was wrong, in her words I was just a very floppy baby. After countless doctors appointment and tests my mother was told I had mild CP which is called cerebral palsy.

For those that can’t read this it in detail tells my story, at 3 months old that’s when my mother noticed me to be floppy and not meeting normal milestones at what I should of been at that age. When I was one I was first diagnosed with benign hypotonia then later told mild CP.

Now that you know my medical background let me begin a very personal story as most of you know from a old blog I was bullied in high school for reasons that were gossip rather facts and by the way I looked.

When I was in high school I was the ” big girl”

Because of my CP this has effected my body because it also came with low muscle tone. Unfortunately losing weight and gaining has always been hard as my body works differently to others the best way I can describe it is if you didn’t eat for a week your body was see drastic changes and would of lost weight if I do this I would become very sick and put on weight. I clearly was just using this as a example and I don’t ever recommend doing this to find out.

Also just to balance it out I struggle to open jars or can drinks and a lot of the time will ask someone near me.

After being bullied so bad in high school, my first year out I became obsessed with my weight and how I looked. I went for a 2k run 5am every morning and gym which at the time I walked to gym because I wasn’t driving. I’ve been that person who has bragged about being at the gym for 3 hours at a time then being “bored” and going back that afternoon.

Ive been the person that would weigh myself every week. When it came to eating I thankfully was only 19 and living with my parents so I ate what was made for me but I definitely would smaller my sizes and grab a lost less than I should of been.

I was seeing a PT twice a week on top of going to the gym, I legit would go to gym a hour early and do a workout before my PT workout then would warm down after at gym…

I had definitely become the gym freak and was obsessed over beating myself at my own goals then bragging about them.

I eventually found what I thought was love at the time and thought it was dow to being the weight I was and only wanted to continue and improve myself, turns out he was a bad guy! Controlled the way I looked and dressed. I remember I got my hair cut and dyed for my birthday from my parents and loved it!

He hated it and still to this day I can still here him calling me a gokk ( which was his response for asain)

Since that day and this photo it took me until last year to cut my hair like this and when I did I still couldn’t do it.

I guess what I’m trying to say and the point I want to put across is words hurt and they stay with people and even after finding the man of my dreams he had to work really hard to not only build my trust but to remind me that I was beautiful. Which I would be lying if I sat here writing this and said I don’t struggle with anymore because it’s a weekly struggle.

I’ve lived my whole adult life on yo-yo dieting and worry about what other people think and say about me that I’ve missed the amazing things my body has brought me and how far I’ve come. I was the girl that would of ended up in a wheelchair my whole life but I’m thankful for the legs I have to walk. I was told my learning skills would be poor and yet I finished high school with all c’s and B’s and one A. Which that was with no educational support because past year 8 I didn’t need it anymore. I got a full time job straight after high school and have been in early learning for eight years now. I’ve given birth to a healthy and very smart little boy. I’ve met a man who loves me for me and doesn’t see me for my disability but sees me for me.

People need to stop comparing, stop. Labelling, stop body shaming and start looking in the mirror is that the person you want your children to become someone who be littles someone, young girls are already trying to socially fit into a word that’s already messed up. I know when I have a daughter I will teach her from day one to love and respect herself and others.

Its almost 2020 and body image is still such a massive issue and has now become a growing issue in young woman and adults.

Kate 💌

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