I became a mother almost two years ago, pregnancy wasn’t the dream I thought it would be, but hubby and I still were on cloud nine. We were so over joyed to be pregnant and also having a baby boy!
If your new here and haven’t had a chance to go throw all my old pregnancy blogs with my first born, than that’s ok because I’ll catch you up to speed right now. My first pregnancy was very much completed… My first trimester was easy in the sense of I didn’t get morning sickness and when I was sick it was for a week and then I was all good. But unfortunately when I was six weeks pregnant I began to have massive pains in my lower stomach, that’s when I was told I had ovarian cyst’s one of which was 30ml in size! Clearly not normal and something had to be done! In my second trimester very randomly and unexpected after work I began to become very sick, that night I threw up a cup of blood ” the only reason I know it was a cup, is the nurse’s could test how much blood loss.” I was rushed to hospital, Lorenzo’s heartbeat was no where to be found for at least an hour, to this day they can’t explain what was happening. Than in my third trimester when I was 30 weeks I began to leak fluids and started having false contractions every five minutes apart… Again rushed to hospital and they gave me something to stop them and I was told to be put on light duties.
So say my first pregnancy wasn’t normal is an understatement! This made me very on edge and than it only got worse when it was actually my time to give birth, again I have my whole birth story on my blog channel you should take the time to read it.
When you take in all those factors it’s a no brainer as to why I felt the way I did after I gave birth to my son… Lorenzo and I were stuck in a hospital for his first week of life as his blood sugar levels were so low they wouldn’t let him leave, I tried so hard to breast feed but unfortunately he had to pick his weight up so he was half formal fed and half breast fed from the first hour after birth.. with everything going on and just only being a new mother I felt more alone than ever. My first night my son was taken down to the ICU unit for testing and I unfortunately was stuck in my room childless, I thought to myself it’s ok it will be better when we are home and alone and not in this kind of invorment.
My mental health only seemed to become more and more out of control once we got home. I was full of anxiety! Scared something would happen to my son, scared to sleep because I would miss something or he was stop breathing, scared for anyone elses to hold him for too long before I had to have him in my arms again because something bad could happen, scared to let anyone help including hubby because he was my son and as a mother I was meant to have that bond with him which I didn’t feel. I was a ball of mess for at least the first month of his life. I got better, I found a routine and and found my grove again. Than I started work and slowly but surely I noticed I wasn’t better I had just got better at hiding it all.
I decided to get help and I began seeing someone, at first I found it not helpful and after each session I found myself to become more and more upset. But it wasn’t until the end of my sessions with “I’ll call her Mary” for the sake of privacy. It wasn’t until the end of my sessions with Mary that I could actually see that all those times I didn’t think the sessions helped me, or I would leave feeling more unstable or upset was actually my growth, I was finally letting out all my worries about being a mum, all my stress, all my anger towards my body for not handling pregnancy well, my anger towards the hospital I went too. I finally let go of all that I was holding onto on the inside and felt like myself again.
Mental health issues are becoming more and more common after child birth.
When I first became I new mum Instagram and any form of social media was my black hole, I used to see how these perfect mother’s were so carefree and having the time of their lives being a mother… I used to look at them and think to myself why can’t I be like that, why can’t I look that great just after giving birth. It took me months to really learn the truth and realise they only want you too see the good and sugar coat what motherhood is actually like. This is when I made my Instagram page ( thecaesarfamily ) and told my viewers that I’ll share the good, bad & in between. I’m that friend in real life that always has your back and speaks the truth and this also is the same for all my social medias.
Mental health isn’t something someone should feel embraced about, no new mother or anyone for that matter should be like they are the only ones going through it because 50% of the time you are not alone. I definitely think there should be way more of a support system for new mothers, I wish I was more informed in this area and was prepared for everything I may or may not face but at least I would of been prepared!
In hospital they have a breastfeeding class for new mothers but I think they also need to add a self help class, where mothers can sit and listen and be educated on how you might be feeling or how you will feel, ways to cope with your feelings and also understand it’s ok to have those feelings.