Scared to give birth at such a devastating time

I wasn’t going to comment or make such a blog about the covid- 19 as I think everyone clearly knows about what’s happening in the world right now and you really don’t need one more person reminding you to take better care of ourselves. But as I went food shopping today and saw these two elderly people struggling to walk and push their own trolly and all I wanted to do was offer help.. which I stilled did even knowing they can’t accept it, that moment was probably the hardest for me and I began to cry.

To top everything off we received a email from our hospital with some updated rules that are now set in place to help protect myself and baby girl when she’s born and other hospital staff.

No longer will I have family members come and visit myself or baby girl or friends as I’m only aloud one person daily which clearly will be hubby as he wants to be with his new child as much as possible. But no children under the age of 16 are aloud in hospital which means my two year old son can’t visit and meet his new baby sister until we are home, I get why these rules are in place and I’m 100% ok with that but it still hurts.

My sweet baby girls birth will always be a story and not for the right reasons, I will always look back at this when my child was born when the virus was so bad the whole world was put on lock down, I will always remember that my mother was at my son’s birth but missed my daughter’s and not because she wanted to but because she had too. I’ll always remember being alone in a hospital room well waiting to take my baby girl home and in a safe place.

I understand why these rules are set in place and I agree with all of them for the safety and wellbeing of everyone right now but it doesn’t make it easier for me, a moment for me that I was looking forward too has now changed too a moment I’m scared about, a moment I feel anxious about. A moment I feel worried about. Which I shouldn’t feel this way about the birth of my second but that’s just the reality of the world right now. So now I’m trying to prepare myself for the birth of my sweet baby girl in a completely new setting.

My new birth plan at this stage is too just be ok, to breath and try and take in all the good moments and let go of those other feelings. To try and not get too inside my own head when it’s just me and baby girl in hospital… that’s my new birth plan.

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